Rock bottom. I think it's so important that we understand what those two words mean. The reality is that some of our friends, acquaintances, and colleagues may be in that place right now. The reality is that thousands of people in our country and around the world are there right now. I think it's important to understand the pain they're going through, be able to sympathize with them, and have compassion for them.

Here are two poems written by a good friend of mine, Jessica. Her drawing Heart of Hearts is also featured above.


☙  ❦  ❧  ❦  ☙  ❦  ❧


Addiction

A needle pricks the pale flesh that is draped over shrinking muscles and red bones.
He is the unwanted; the unloved.
No one sees him; no one wants to see him.
People accuse him of being a bum or a whore,
But they don’t see that he has to fight to live.
They don’t see him being molested and raped.
So he has to run away and he runs himself off a cliff.
He takes the demon in a shot of heroin.
And he has no control.
His body craves poison, and if he does take he will die.
But he knows it will kill him slowly.
But to others he is already dead.
He then smiles in agony, knowing that his death may make some foot note in the day’s news.
He knows though that he is unwanted.
He knows that no one cares.
And so he walks up and down;
Waiting, waiting.
Dreaming of a better tomorrow.


☙  ❦  ❧  ❦  ☙  ❦  ❧


Depression

My heart sunk. Too deep, too deep in to the shadows... Tears flood my mind and pour out of me. I cannot see the path that lays before me. I am just being played by the others around me. Like a dead puppet that lost her strings. Watch her cry, watch her die. Let her suffer, Let her lie. I wander though this world, blinded by the thoughts of others, suffering from my hand. These lies, these lies. Why can't I escape? Every step turns into a trail of blood. Every tear is hidden. I cannot get out, this feeling in my soul stays. I cannot get out, can I withstand this pain? I cannot get out, tears screaming in the dark.

The Worst (Preventable) Things Going on in the World Right NOW

Photo source

War –

Mexico's drug war: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-16337488

Pakistan-India Kashmir war: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10537286 and http://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/pk.html

LRA conflict in Uganda:
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/history-of-the-war

etc.

Child soldiers –
http://www.un.org/children/conflict/english/issues.html

Child abuse –
http://www.zebracentre.ca/facing-the-facts/

Extreme poverty and malnutrition –
http://www.wfp.org/hunger/stats

Often reinforced by racism – http://www.gfa.org/dalit/about-the-dalits/

Abortion –
http://www.campaignlifecoalition.com/index.php?p=Abortion
(a genocide of the unborn)

*****

         This short list is just a start... How can we just sit back and go on with our everyday lives, knowing that every day people are going through terrible things like these and dying unecessarly, when we could help them? I know I can't just sit back... because God has broken my heart for the broken in this world. I used to have lots of dreams and goals for my life – to get married to a beautiful girl, get a good writing job, become famous (most likely through my writing), buy a nice, cozy little house in some place like Hawaii, install a hot-tub, get a beagle... in short, to get a whole bunch of stuff for ME. It was all about ME, MYSELF, and I.
        Then just last year, God told me it isn't all about me. I am not the center of the universe. He told me to get rid of all my dreams and just surrender to Him. Of course, I didn't want to. But eventually God convinced me it was the best way to live my life to the fullest.
        So here I am... I know that some day I'll change the world. I hope that some day I'll be called to help people who are caught in the middle of war, to free child soldiers, to prevent child abuse and comfort its victims, to assist those who are starving in extreme poverty, to help end racism, and to put a stop to the genocide of the unborn.
        But for now, I'll just shine for Christ in my small 17-year-old life, help others when I can, and do my best to be a friend to those around me in the small town of Vegreville, Alberta.

Gr8 Words

     I've decided to base my life on the Bible (yes, that does mean you have the right to correct me if I say anything contrary to it!). Here are some of my favourite Bible verses. I believe they are particularly relevant to how one should live as a disciple of Christ. This first two verses remind me that everything I do should be done in love and for the glory of God. That's hard. The third verse reminds me that I need to fully surrender to God's plan for my life. That's hard. The fourth eliminates the excuse "I'm just a youth, so I can wait until I'm older to follow God" and lists five things I need to work on continually. That's also hard. The last verse reminds me that it may be hard, but through God I can do it all.


Do everything in love. - 1 Corinthians 16:14

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. – 1 Corinthians 10:31

Those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples. – Luke 14:33

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. – 1 Timothy 4:12

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13 (NASB)


These verses are all from the New International Version except for the last one, which is from the New American Standard Bible.

Royal Proclamation

 His Majesty King Charles William James Philip Toblerone the Eighth, by the grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas King, Defender of the Faith, LG, CI, DGStJ, PC, etc., hereby brings forth this day a royal proclamation of utmost momentousness regarding the exceptional significance of music:

       Since creation, music has been a central part of society. First allow me to show you the universality of music. As the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes states, there is a time for everything. And there is a song for everything as well. While many songs have been composed for celebration and joyfulness,  many songs have also been written for sad times and mourning. Contrast "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash, and "The Happy Song" sung by Delirious. The former is mournful and sober, the latter sunny and energetic. One may see this variety even in early literature. Take for example the book of Psalms, which contains many songs both joyous and unhappy.
  Music applies to both work and leisure. The famous song "Whistle While You Work" obviously concerns the former, while dance music concerns the latter. Music is also composed for special occasions and holidays. “Happy Birthday”, “Auld Lang Sang”, and the entire genre of Christmas music are all for special occasions and holidays.
  Wherever one goes, one cannot escape music. It is found in every culture, in every time period, in every place humanity has lived. Astronauts have even played the keyboard, guitar, saxophone, and didgeridoo while floating weightlessly in outer space! Because music is popular anywhere, at any time, for anyone, it has established itself quite firmly as a central part of human society. From North America to Japan and from Greenland to Australia, music continues to be one of the most important elements of culture.
       In modern western society, music accompanies many things. People listen to iPods while exercising and the radio while travelling. Movies, TV shows and commercials, video games, sports, theatrical performances, religious worship, and many other everyday activities all utilize music.
Music has also become big business. Albums, tickets for concerts and musicals, downloadable music online, instruments, sheet music, and music playing devices all sell for billions of dollars each year. Professional musicians earn fame and fortune. The enormous electronics company Apple Inc. has earned a large amount of their income from the 16 billion songs downloaded off of their iTunes store and the 300 million iPods they have sold.
       Why is music so popular? Because of its spiritual, mental, and emotional power. If you have ever put on a good song and just let your spirit sing along, you should know what I mean. Arts such as motivational speaking, drama, and music are unique in the their ability to significantly impact people spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I believe that because music is the most universal of these arts, it is also the most effective and beneficial.
       That is the reason why music is often used in religious worship. It is very emotional, while at the same time structured, systematic, and sensible. The medium is successful at establishing emotional ties to the supernatural while remaining rational and practical about the needs of life.
       While music is great at bringing people together around a common cause such as religion or nationalism, it is also very good at helping people define themselves. The many different types of music often cause people to want to identify with a certain genre, subgenre, or composer. This results in groups of fans united around a certain type of music. Often these groups are informal, but formal fan clubs develop as well. Sometimes entire subcultures and even religions are formed around a genre. The notable Rastafari religious movement owes much of its popularity to reggae music. Other subcultures are also built around music, such as the heavy metal subculture, which has its own symbols and fashions.
       Music is a central part of society because it is universally effective at bringing people together and helping them find their identity. It has intertwined with culture all around the world. Music belongs among the most influential and beneficial of all aspects of society, along with essential components such as religion, government, industry, and the media.

Thoughts

"Do you know what I mean when I say I don't wanna be alone? I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work."

- Lyrics from the gr8 song Work by Jars of Clay

    I'm not scared of the future. Perhaps I'm just naive, but I'm not actually scared of failing my life. If I live and accomplish little for good, at least I've accomplished something. If I die tomorrow, I'm fine with that – God's will be done.
    But I don't really want to fail – who does? I don't wanna live my life without standing out and making a difference. I don't wanna live a boring, uneventful life in the background of everything going on around me, and end up not making a difference in anyone's life.
    I want to succeed. I want to stand up and stand out. When I die, I know I'll have many regrets – that's just the way I am, a perfectionist – but I want to know that some part of the world is better because I lived. I want to be active and do lots of work for God's kingdom during my life. That's the way I am.
    Life is good – very good at times. But sometimes it does get hard. Instead of feeling peace and freedom, I sometimes feel bogged down with life's business. I hate letting my life get stagnant and boring – I think a very key aspect of freedom is change. On the other hand, I hate it when my life gets really busy and it feels like everything's getting out of control.
    So I try to try to live life to the fullest – not by partying and getting wild with friends, but in my own introverted, quiet way. I read the Bible, I read the classics, I write (like I'm doing right now), and I soul search. I pick out what to stand for, and do my best to stand for that – whether it be Jesus, the Bible, open-mindedness, and truth, or just my favourite clothes brand (Quiksilver!) or hockey team (Oilers!). I search for beauty – in stories, in nature, in music, in people.
    And I prepare for the future – prepare to face the enormous world out there. For now I'm just a homeschooled kid in a small farming town, but some day I'll be so much more than that, God willing. And I really don't know where I'm going with this...
    I guess I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts. I'm the kinda guy who sorts out his thoughts by writing... and then posting them on my blog for the entire world to see! Hahahahaha! :) Oh well, at least I'm honest. Very honest. I'll be a lousy politician.

In Defence of Mourning

      Faith in Christ brings hope and joy. Often music is the best reflection of a worldview (i.e. culture, mindset, and/or religion) so take a look at the Christian music out there. Most of the well known Christian songs are joyful – "just be happy and everything's going to be fine! Don't be sad, praise God!"
     But life isn't always like that. There is hatred, mourning, loneliness, shame, and despair, all enhanced by deep divisions between people. These things can even be found in the best of churches. Sin's consequences are ugly. There are times for mourning and sadness. But where does Christ fit into these times?
     Christians love to celebrate the joyful parts of the Bible - for example, we love our big Christmas festivities. But not everything's all fine and dandy in the Bible. The book of Job is about a man in the depths of despair, who lost everything he had and even began to think that God had deserted him. Ever read the book of Jeremiah? It predicts many calamities and can be depressing at times.
     God knows all about suffering. Jesus spent 40 days in a desert with no food and the devil for company. He sweated blood in anticipation of his crucifixion, which is known to be one of the most brutal ways to die. And It wasn't just any ordinary crucifixion - He also took upon himself the weight of the world's sin, with God's wrath attached.
     Most people celebrate Christmas, but not nearly as many people commemorate Good Friday, the anniversary of Jesus's brutal death. I also fall into the trap of concerning myself only with happy things – I often try to ignore sadness. Sometimes it's like I'm trying to deny the fact that there even is sorrow, though in my own life I hit rock bottom all too often, writhing in the grip of dark depression. I've said to myself, "I'll just publish the happy half of my writing and keep the bitter parts to myself."
     And perhaps that's one of the reasons people dislike Christianity – we come across as do-gooders with our heads in the clouds, showing off our shiny hope and joy, without the simplest acknowledgment that we're still broken sinners who still feel pain.
     Love, hope, and joy is great of course. But sometimes we don't leave any room for Christian mourning and Christian sorrow. Sometimes we present to the world an image that seems to trivialize the bad times of life. At least I do.
     So what should we do? We can't throw away our love, hope, and joy. But I think we could acknowledge sadness more – recognize that there is a time and place for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:4). For example, the well-known Christian song Tears of the Saints by Leeland expresses sadness for the lost, and the lesser-known Lament by the Christian band NewWorldSon is downright mournful. Why? Because sometimes hope seems bleak and instead of joy there is misery.
     We should also get involved in ministries that reach out to people who are broken and in misery. Some good organizations that do this are Love is Louder, Gospel For Asia, and the International Justice Mission.
     Of course, there needs to be a balance. Most of the sad Psalms in the Bible end with a reminder that God is in control and He will redeem us. The book of Job ends with the protagonist getting back twice of what he lost, and also shows us how his suffering was part of a much bigger picture. God will always pull through (Isaiah 40:28-31). We may not understand, may not see any hope in our future, and may not even be delivered until after death. But still God will never fail. He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4

     We live in a broken world. Mourning is a fact of life. Don't ignore it, gloss over it, or trivialize it. Feel free to be sad without thinking that you're putting God aside. But always keep in mind that one day there won't be any mourning - in heaven. God is in control, and God is good.

Vs.

Joy

is

Love

Understanding

Unselfishness

Compassion

Kindness

Empathy

Affection

Concern

Passion

Feeling

Care

and

Peace

Contentment

Confidence

Satisfaction

Untroubled

Tranquility

Harmony

Safety

Hope

Calm

Rest

------------------------------

Despair

is

Loneliness

Friendlessness

Abandonment

A lack of love

Unneeded

Unwanted

Forsaken

Unloved

Isolated

Outcast

Solitary

and

Shame

Self-condemnation

Disappointment

Remorse

Disgrace

Distress

Sorrow

Regret

Failure

Grief

Guilt

Reflecting God

This beautiful picture of a mirror I got from ikea.com!

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians 3:18  NIV

    As a son of God, there are two main things I should do - reflect the Lord's glory, and be transformed into his likeness. I'm like a mirror... sadly, an imperfect mirror. But I'm always striving to be able to reflect God better, by getting rid of the sin and imperfection in my life that gets in the way of God's reflection. Reflecting God (which includes witnessing and missions) and becoming more like God are my two main jobs, which I can only accomplish through God and with his grace and power working in my life.
    But I always forget. I'm always am putting myself first, both consciously, when I blatantly sin, and unconsciously, when I pretend to be doing things for God but my motives are more self-centred. Of course, I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13, my baptism verse), but I also cannot "bear good fruit" without Him (John 15:4). This reminds me of a great quote: "Don't try harder, trust God more!" I usually just try harder and try harder, and then get frustrated at myself when I don't achieve all my goals and don't live up to all my expectations. From now on I'll try to just trust God, and let Him transform me, because I know I can't transform myself.
    Which brings me to my final point - humility is very important. It's important because without God I'm nothing, and without humbleness I won't be able to reflect God well. I know that, but often live like it's not true - I often live like I'm number one, not God. Humbleness is not my strong point, but while I merely try to reflect God and become more like Him, hopefully I will improve in my personal humility.

Thinking Outloud

    Several things can bring out the worst in me. One of those things is math. When combined with depression, it can be disastrous. It's kinda weird that I dislike math, because I've always thought of myself as the scientific, analytical, rational type...

    When I was younger, I wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to get a whole bunch of diplomas and become a learned scholar. I wanted a desk job with a computer and lots of important papers and stamps and stuff like that.

    I even started playing chess. Actually, I still do play chess a little bit, but now I realise that I see the game more as a form of art than a science. And I like science (specifically biology) because it's great to explore and learn about God's wonderful creation - the ultimate art. I really love music - just listening to a good song and letting my spirit sing along. I love books... not so much the textbook-kind anymore, but the books which are written by great authors, in which the words flow and weave together in marvelous synthesis, the plot unfolds in beautiful harmony and majesty, and feelings are unlocked and released.

    It's interesting... I'd always thought myself the scientific, analytical, rational type, but when caught up in the arts, instead of thinking with my mind, I can just feel with my whole being instead. Which is better? They both have their strengths and weaknesses. I don't think either one is better per se, but the latter is definitely more enjoyable. Which is why I hate math.

Life

Painting By Kari Fell

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. - Philippians 3:20

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” - James 4:13-15

“Show me, LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. - Psalm 39:4-5

      The Bible tells us that instead of setting our minds on earthly things, we should remember that as Christians, our citizenship is in heaven. Our lives are short. The Bible refers to life as mere grass, a vapour, a mist and even a breath.
       Life isn't a destination - it's more like a journey. We can choose to take the path that leads to God, or stay on a path that leads us away from Him. What we do here on earth does have an effect on eternity. Don't reject God; accept Him.
       All the time I keep on getting caught up in this world and forgetting that I should be living in the light of eternity. I've started reading my Bible every day, and it helps a lot. I'm trying to become more like a soldier of God, as described in 2 Timothy. Living as a soldier of God is the ultimate way to live.

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. - 2 Timothy 2:3-4

All Bible verses are from the New International Version

Lost...

    I'm finishing grade eleven, and all my friends are talking about what they're going to do after high school - going to certain universities or Bible colleges, traveling, getting jobs... but I don't have a clue what I'm going to do with my life. I have all these random interests and opportunities, but they're disjointed and I just can't put them together! For example, I want to take Political Science and Law after that (if I can get in). But I also want to go to a Bible college or do something to strengthen my faith and prepare me spiritually for the challenges ahead in life.
    I've always said I want to be a lawyer or politician, but now I'm not sure. Being a lawyer, I imagine, would be rather dull and unimaginative, and politics in Canada is just way too nasty. Maybe I'm wrong; I'm not sure. I have many interests... traveling, reading, writing, skating, serving God, history, politics, ect, ect.
    I find my career opportunities branching off into a couple of completely different paths. I could take Political Science, then go into law and become a lawyer or politician. Or after Political Science I could go into journalism. Or maybe I could just completely skip university, and travel around the world, writing or just working wherever I can. That sounds the most fun, but I've always wanted to become well educated and, well, learned. And where does Bible college or missions fit into any of these...?
    I just feel lost, swimming in a huge sea of choices. Where to go, what to do? I know that God has a plan for my life, and he's going to do great things through me, but in a way that just makes me more scared - what if he leads me to do something I don't like for the rest of my life? I know that sounds silly, but really, it's scary because I don't know what God has in store for me. I know it's good to give God the reigns and just let him take me to where I need to go, but it also makes me feel helpless.
    I guess I just have to stay positive and have faith that God will do what's best for me. I need to relax... every once in a while I tense up mentally and plague myself with
"What ifs?". I'm sure it'll all work out. I'll try to keep Psalm 23 in mind...
    Anyone have any thoughts or ideas? Is Law worth going into? Is journalism hard? Is my dream of traveling the world unrealistic?

Life

Painting by Kari Fell

     I wanna write another blog post... what should I write about? Can't think of a topic... I'll just write about life. It's complicated, and it's hard. Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth it. But I guess life is worth living - even mine.
     I'm nobody famous. Hmm, I don't even know anyone famous! But fame isn't really that important... in fact, it would be a bit of a bother, don't you think? It still would be nice, though, to be known and have ppl actually care about what you said.
     I'm not rich. Life would probably be a lot easier if I had wheelbarrow-loads of cash... especially since I'm so lazy :P But I'm not out begging on the streets; I have enough. The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, so I'll try not to love money.
     I don't have a cool car. My mom says that cars are just to get you from point A to point B, but a cool car would be gr8! I'd drive around all day, in my nice, new Lamborghini Gallardo, with the radio cranked. Hmm, that's not very deep, is it? I've always thought myself an intellectual... ok, what argument can I bring against a Lamborghini? I know: My conscience would make me follow the speed limits... and what good would a Lamborghini be if I couldn't go any faster than a rusty, old, dented up minivan?
     I don't live anywhere cool, like Florida, New York, California, or Hawaii. It would be nice to live somewhere like that, instead of here in the middle of nowhere... Vegreville, Alberta. The big thing in our town is the new Wal-Mart :P Oh well. At least here we can breathe clean air and see the stars every night. Here we aren't stuck in the fast lane. Here we have some nice people, and a gr8 church - Vegreville Alliance.
     I'm still looking for love... no wait, what are you saying, Toblerone? Don't you remember the quote you saw on that gravestone in the Vegreville cemetery? "God gives us love. Someone to love he lends us." God has given me his love, abundantly. And some day (hopefully sooner rather than later) he'll lend you someone to love.
     Well, my life isn't very exceptional, or very exciting. But it's still life. And life's always worth living. It doesn't matter if you're famous, or rich, or what car you drive, or where you live, or if you have a super-hot girlfriend! Those things are extras! I'm lucky, I have all the basics - a good God, a good family, with food to eat and a roof over my head. Heck, this computer and this blog are extras!
     So... to conclude. Wow, I've written a lot, considering I didn't know what I was writing about. Hmm, is this post good enough to put on my blog? Sure - right now I'm clicking "Publish Post". Oh wait, I still need to conclude! Um... just live life! And do something with your life - stand up and stand out! And if you aren't already a Christian, become one - you'll see the world in a whole new, vibrant way! And finally, become a fan of my blog on Facebook! TTFN (Ta Ta For Now!)